Fight Within

I feel as though this fight is not around me but within me

It’s as though my organs are fighting within me

Every day I seek to do what’s right

Yet I wish to lash out and do everything unexpected

If it were not for God

The person I am now would not exist

If it were not for God

The man I despise is who I would be

I feel as though I desire both good and evil

As if my desires themselves are fighting each other

How can this be?

Can I truly desire opposites?

I might be being tricked to desire evil

Or convincing myself to desire good

How can I know what it is I truly want?

Or is that something I can choose?

Why is it when I only wish to do good,

That I desire evil the most?

When everything seems to be great,

That deep down I wish to destroy it?

I know that God is the reason for who I am

It is when I stray from Him that I become who I do not wish to be

It is through Jesus that I am saved

And by Him only that I can become the man I wish to be